Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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