This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize