I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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