is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
