How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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