lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
