dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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