she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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