Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
