4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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