are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
