Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
