If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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