I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
