It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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