I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
