Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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