All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had to cum in my sink.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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