Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
