I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Vodka?
Forever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Randomize
