she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
