sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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