look no pants
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
