I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
