I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
