I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
