while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
