woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
