i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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