i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
