pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
