The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
