This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
