Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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