he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
