i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
