I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
