it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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