he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
