I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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