And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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