so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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