She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
