It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
