At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are the jesus of drinking
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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