my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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