Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
