Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
