Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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