She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
