I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
