If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
