Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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