i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
