bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
