mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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