Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
