Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
