Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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