he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
