she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
