Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
