Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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