Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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