a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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