I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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