If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When are your genitals available?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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