Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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