Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
