Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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