...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
