party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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