CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
